Struggles and Insecurities

7 Aug

Bonjour tout le monde!

Writer’s block and a host of other things is to blame for not being able to blog over the last couple of months but to be honest, i have been struggling with a lot of things, a lot of them are in my mind.

Lately i have been bothered about my size, how much weight i have put on(even if it is in my mind) and most especially my inability to work out, with the busy work schedule it is almost impossible.

My age, the big 30 is knocking at my door and honestly i am looking forward to what the next few years have to offer but it is becoming clearer that i look under 25 with extensions and 22 with short hair! I always thought i looked older(when i was 18 every one thought i was 24) but as i have grown older it becomes more apparent that i look so young. I know i am supposed to be excited and over the moon that i look younger but it scares me.

Being single. In April my ex came to visit and we talked about a lot of things and those are the things i wanted, a stable relationship, marriage, children, a home etc. Yes i went back to him but i quickly realized a tiger does not change its stripes, in less than two months i was single again, too much drama and the long distance did not help.

My friends are moving country, being in a foreign land especially one with so much history of mistrust, it is hard to make friends, i hardly have any friends any more, on Friday i said bye to a friend who moved back to Uganda and today to a friend moving back to the States. Over the next couple of months my small circle will shrink to four people(who travel like it is getting out of fashion), how am i going to survive!!

Lastly i made a new friend, he is tall, dark and handsome :), only thing is he is too uptight but he makes me smile and every time he comments on how young i am, it does not bother. No i am not in love but i need new friends!!!!

A couple of weeks ago, i sent out an invitation to hang out on a week day, knowing my friends, i did not expect any of them to show up but all of them did(yes i had to pick up two of them from the airport) but it was a great night out, my new friend found it a bit hard to fit in as my friends are out going and drink like fish! He left early but i got home at 4am and the drunkards hardly remembered what they did that night lol!

In other news my mum is back in Uganda, i am trying to get a few days off so that we can do a family trip to see my grandma.

Have a fab week and enjoy the new month. Is it just me or is the year running way too fast?

Update: So one of my BFFs comment on this post via Skype, one word Vanity! Yes, i am vain(i have a blog about myself lol) but the truth is as you climb higher in the corporate ladder, everyone looks down at you, my current job, i had all sorts of hardships from the team below and above me because they thought i was too young(no one asked, they all assumed) It did not matter how much i played dress up, the management thought it was their job to tell me how to dress and do my hair, how come my older looking colleague did not get any advice yet half the time she looks like a club goer? Thank God over the last couple of months i have won some over.

The question i asked my friend, is it too much to ask if i looked my age or even close to my age? not all women want to look younger like the media implies. Yes, i look forward to being old and grey.



2 Responses to “Struggles and Insecurities”

  1. Rethots August 23, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

    Benjamin Button

    • pinkauto August 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

      Hahahaha, very funny. Last week i went to watch a movie with my 18 year old sweet heart and he says i looked 15 coming out of the cinema! Now i know i have a reason to complain!

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