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Three decisions

12 Apr

Good morning Beautiful people,

How is the new month treating you?

I am well, so much has been going on! Yesterday i read a friend’s blog and one post in particular caught my eye, she was talking about writing our autobiography and how we shouldn’t  wait till we are old and tired to write them but rather start now, every day, one post at a time.

Over the last couple of weeks i have been trying to sort my life out, not that i have a disorganized life but rather, just reevaluate my goals. But i have been praying mostly for guidance in a lot of things

I did my exams recently and i was asking God to help me pass and secondly if i should continue with the course i am doing. I applied for grad school and i have been put on a waiting list, i hope i shall be admitted and granted a scholarship. Either way i will be studying i just need God to open doors for me.

My company asked me to apply for a job opening in Uganda and the way things look i might be transferred  I do want to go home but not right now, i want to move to another country for another two years then i shall settle back home. the thing is the company the group wants to move me to has liquidity problems, i already asked God a long time ago not to employ me in companies that do not pay employees on time. I had a bad experience once, i had backlogs of salary of up to 6 months. So if the company can not pay me on time i am not interested in working for them.

Lastly, i met some one, (ok not really)  but i finally clicked with a Christian man! Gosh, it was such as beautiful moment to meet a man who not only loves God but we have so much in common, yet we are so different. We met about a year or so ago at a friend’s event and i never even looked at him twice. He was the skinny quiet guy in the corner. Then recently i found myself seated next to him on Sundays. Then on Easter we had a group lunch(us single people lol) and we hit it off. Since then we chat everyday. Then yesterday he told me he likes me! I didn’t know what to say because it was on whatsap!

Now i have a bone to pick with dating today, what happened to good old phone calls? Everyone seems to be using whatsap to date! I am very old fashioned and i would prefer to be asked out in person on a date or some thing.

So my dilemma is i might be moving country soon and i have no idea what to do about the man. It is has been very tough for me to click with a guy at this level that i have resorted to God(as always)to help me out.

I have been on a soul, Jazz and blues phase, i realized that i listen to music in a very systematic way. For example i will have a reggae and ragga phase, then worship 101, then world music then a Deitrick Haddon phase. The man in question found me in a soul, jazz and blues phase. poor him he can’t reconcile that i am such a dance hall fan! Any way lots of learning to do.

In other news my birthday is coming up soon and my Boss has already booked to take me to dinner, since he has resigned, he is giving me half of his library of books as a parting gift! I am super excited. The man in question is also looking for a plan for my birthday and i have no idea what i would want to do with him. All i want is to spend it with friends.

Have a great weekend


Is this love – Corinne Bailey Rae


Dates Woes

19 Oct

Today i read Myne’s blog , she talks about love and romance.

This took me back to a conversation i had with my girlfriend a few weeks ago.

You see, i am a poster child for failed relationships, so much that my longest relationship has been 10 months. That said, i am a hopeless romantic and very traditional in my thinking. It got me thinking, is there some thing wrong with me? I battled with this for so long, so i thought why not ask a friend who knows me so well and will not sugar coat any thing just to make me feel better about myself?

Conversations with Mrs Filipo are always insightful to say the least, if there is one friend i would not mind be stranded with in an island it would be her, she is very down to earth and practical(it helps that she is an architect, building a house will be easy 🙂 )

Towards the end of last year, i had decided to have sex, just for just, so that i could get rid of my virginity because i was tired of it! I tried so many times but failed, i just couldn’t do it.

A close male friend called me last week and for some reason we got in to the marriage topic, according to him, i (along with his sister) are a group of women seated on our holy high chairs thinking we deserve better(men) yet we don’t, what got me off was how we are not trying hard enough to date and constantly rejecting men! Mad is an understatement, it hit me, he is coming to the conclusion because of the conversations i have with him(poor dude) he does not even get 20% of what goes on in my life, ONLY the girl friends know the truth.

Any way, i thought some thing was wrong with me but my girlfriend made it clear that SEX is a big part of men and dating. But my last real relationship, i met a great man who was more than willing to wait and above all ready to marry me, i think in my mind, i believed and still believed that men can wait, if he can’t then he is not worth it.

My self esteem was hitting the lowest it has ever been, going on Facebook and seeing men who could have possibly been mine(surprising, they are dating women who look like me)  happy and i am single.

Until i meet some one who is on the same page, i shall wait.

Thank you love for letting me in on the secret, i know i can be so naive in some of the conversations 🙂 but i am learning slowly but surely and for standing with in on this difficult choice. For the last three years you have listened to me go on and on about a guy only for it to get cold and as we have grown, so has the conversation, we have matured so much,yet still in many ways young.

Have a great weekend

Waiting for you

28 Sep

I have a thing for a married man and i don’t know what to do about it.

Tried denying it(yes Mrs Filipo lol) and said i want only friendship from him(truth is i do need new friends).

I met him at an event(did not notice him) but for some reason we met at the stairs and this handsome tall man ask me ‘where are you from?’ i thought that was the strangest question to ask some one you did not know but it later turns out he is Ugandan! He thought i was a local(the girls are really pretty here) i guess it was a compliment lol.  So we hang out a few times.All this time he has no ring on his finger and never spoke about his wife.

I have many married friends i hang out with and no one ever suspects we are going out but with him, every one keeps asking questions(soon i will stop saying we are just friends). Then i discover he is married, i tell myself we can be friends, no biggie but the truth is i  wanted more than just friendship, i wish i had met him earlier in life, he would have been the perfect man but he belongs to some one else.

So i got into get rid of him mode, i knew i was not going to be able to do it(until i got over him) , it had to be him to do it. During one of our chill out sessions, i mentioned that i do not believe in sex before marriage and recently  he brought it up. So i thought, this is your chance!!! I blurted it out that i was still a virgin and waiting till i got married(you should have seen the look on his face). He has been a tad bit distant since then, yes it hurts but i know it is for the best.

Sin does not only happen physically but in the mind(he only got a peck from me), in my thoughts i have committed adultery and fornicated, every day i ask God to forgive me

Matthew 5:28But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart

I want my own man, one who has been waiting for me as i have been waiting for him, one who is after God’s heart, who will love me for me and when we get married, wear his ring proudly,be the father of our children, talk about me and carry numerous pictures of me lol

I used to listen to this song a lot. I will wait for you, i dream about you, waiting for the look in you eyes when we meet for the first time.

So many times i have almost strayed but God has always been there to set me straight. So i will wait and most importantly let go.

I actually cried while writing this post.

Random thoughts

20 Sep

Bonjour Mes Amies,

Yesterday i spent a better part of the afternoon with auditors and aren’t they the worst ! Gosh every small thing had to be accounted for(which i don’t mind doing) but i had to present lists of guests attending functions, all meeting reports that led up to the event, every single promotional item had to be counted and signed for, very frustrating!

Any way while in the dilemma which was already terrible, one of the auditors, who happened to be from Nigeria did not smell very fresh(i thought it was because it was afternoon but the weather has been really cool, and he shared a name with you rethots lol, (yes no more asking me for gist) any way it got me thinking  what are  my fears? I started to randomly think about lots of things

1. Bad body odor: Yes this had to be part of the list, this one time(i was really young) i did not want to bath and it was the first day of school(yes, the tom boy in me) i mean guys could do it easily. My parents drove me to school that day and they totally dissed me about how bad i smelt, it was so bad that they stopped by a shop and bought me deodorant lol. From that day, i cant walk out of the house with out smelling decent lol(sadly i am allergic to strong scents). That is why i have a thing for men who smell nice, Lamu always smelt nice, always. I always found myself sniffing his neck lol. I don’t mind the usual soap and water, as long as you smell clean.

2. Being blond: As i child, i never considered myself beautiful, i was shapeless, fat, not stylish(if only i had known) and really all i had going for me was my brain and humor. Yet i was not considered the most brilliant in class. I have come to discover as i grow older is not being the first in class does not mean your are not brilliant but finding that one thing that you are good at and working on it. Lately i am being told how intelligent and brilliant i am, if only i had been told that earlier. The thing that scares me now is to be hired for my looks other than my brain. I thank God i am out growing the quirky tom boy look and embracing my femininity, there is nothing wrong with being both beauty and brains.

3. Chicken. I know it might be strange for a fun-loving person like me who is cool with dogs to fear chicken. I think i had a childhood experience of being scratched by hens(though i do not remember it). This time, my then boyfriend and i went out-of-town for a weekend and on our way back, the matatu was loaded with hens in the back sit(after we had sat) Gosh i was so terrified, thank God he was such a darling, i happily stretched my legs on him the entire journey. But i love chicken when cooked of course.

4. I think my most random thought is ending up alone, i fear with the way things are going i might never be found by him, i know, i know in his own time God will grant me my heart’s desire. are my standards too high? Should i lower them? I have tried but God has always been clear on what i should be waiting for.

5 Retirement: I had planned to retire by 30(yes a big dream) but i might have to make a few changes, i would love to bring up my children, yes the career woman in me is more than willing to stay home and be a house wife(with a budding business on the side of course). If my husband ever mentioned it, i would probably think about it but not for long and quit to look after the children.

Did i mention i am a target worker? Yes my target is the weekend.

Enjoy today as tomorrow will have its own pleasures.

Today is your Wedding Day!!!!

14 Apr

My brother from another mother is getting married today!! The whole family is back except those too far  away. After a week of partying and over indulgence, the day has finally arrived!

All my other brothers will be lined up next to him looking hott in tuxs, can’t wait

Congratulations my Fakey.

Will write a full post on it later

Have a fab saturday

Ask and you shall receive.

2 Feb

Today i asked a friend for a favour and he said yes even before  i was done asking! Yet i spent two days pondering on how i would handle the situation, many times my pride never allows me to ask of any thing(Even asking God was tough!).

On Monday i had lunch with a good friend and because my card had been retained by the ATM(yes my banking woes), i had to go to the bank to retrieve it, only reaching the bank the line was for WORLD! I had the equivalent of ten dollars in my wallet, i turned and went straight to work.

That evening  got invited to dinner by my girlfriends(Indian is not ten dollars lol) On admitting my woes, they offered to house me(usually i would rather not go) but i am learning to accepting love or kind gestures.

The thing is i am a giver(so i have been told) but accepting any thing is tough.

I am learning to ask and receive the Bible states clearly:

1 Kings 3:5-13: Not only did Solomon ask but he asked wisely

Zechariah 10:1: What drought are you facing in your life? Simply ask the Lord.

Matthew 7:7-11: One of my greatest struggles as a Christian is i feel i am burdening God by over asking but this verse reminds me that he is cool with it not matter how many times i ask.

Matthew 21:22: Believing is another thing i am struggling with(today i asked not expecting anything but i was pleasantly surprised)

James 1:5: When it rains it pours.

1 John 5:14-15: Many times we ask selfishly but remember all things work for the good of those who love him.

*Side note* Today i went to the mall and good Lord valentine is here! I had totally forgotten. Best part is this year i have a date!

Happy new Month may you love and accept love in return.

End Year

28 Dec

Every end of year comes with a lot of partying and today was not any different, one of my girl friends decided we needed girl time and in between playing a quick game of frisbee,sorting out a few issues with Dad and getting dressed, i got to the cinema in time to watch the movie(hungry and dehydrated!) been on water, the waiter must have thought i was broke as that is all i drunk all night(since i dropped soft drinks from my diet).

I thought it was going to be a movie and a few drinks ended up into a night about town in four-inch heels and almost 80% of the time i was on the dance floor. It is good to be home.

My ex is getting married on Saturday, yes i was invited, i actually considered going for the wedding, that was until tonight. One of the reasons i had put forward for not going was he is getting married in the same place we spent new year’s eve two years ago and the main reason i am not going is he told his friends that i was not into him( i found out about it about two hours ago) strangely i suddenly became the queen dancer! Last but not least is it still hurts(no, i do not want to get married this year) but, it hurts that he thought i did not love him, i do not think i have ever loved any one as much as i loved him except i did not want to move back home, not yet……. i am still not ready to move back home, i could not quit a great job, i came home as often as i could but i guess to him that was not love.

Life just when you  think you wound has healed.

In other news, i need to sort out pending issues with my best friend but for some reason, i am not looking forward to it, i feel no need to sort them out, i am not sure why but i do not care, i havent missed her in the last five months and it is in those five months that i found myself………. i guess you win some and lose some.

Party responsibly  and a special shout out to the DJ at Casablanca you made our night(rather morning) 🙂